home(less)

oh,
to think of days gone by
an age of rain
and memories of youth
gone now, my time
a wisp of smoke, black curtain
hides the terror from my eyes
and poured words inundate
the whole, the yard
windows, shops, hands
and i just want to be me
back to myself
not this being, of dread
my stomach a symphony
of hunger, cries
and it’s a 12-string-guitar
a banjo on the other side
and it hurts–
i haven’t trimmed my nails
in too long, such throb
just another schizophrenic
i tell strangers, who smile, afraid
just another mindless alcoholic
yes, sir, good day to you
and to you, good day to you too

but oh,
always, oh,
the memory of shoes
drained away, down the hole
the whole, yes, you
dress my feet, cure my neck
i haven’t cared in too long
yet still i fear
the shards, the tears
cut down eyes, i can’t
look at them, alright
while i’m here, always here
circling around, wordless
a teardrop runs down my nape
followed by one of blood
my skin is alive, aflame
and they cannot see
they will not, must not
if they’re to be alright still

oh,
but what is this fear
this strength
i do not feel anymore
limp limbs–arms on dirt
alcohol not quite the escape
it used to be
i am numb, by definition
anisette simply awakens
the slumber, the dragon
the pain–it does not help

but someone does,
you, not whole, incomplete
like myself, like us all
runs water now down my throat
a toboggan of thoughts
i do not care to address anymore

back home, i walk,
to abandoned shelves
where is my life?
i think i have misplaced it,
lost it in the darkness
of the past
the fleeting passage of selves
i once was
for there’s a tunnel
up ahead, cars run the other way
no light–not red, nor white
just darkness, profound
comfortable,
where am i?
i do not remember anymore
who am i,
you? who are you?
i do not care, but still i lie

and the darkness kisses my naked arms
and the cold stone whistles and thrives
and the cars rush by, unaware, intent
and i slip, like water down walls, to sleep
and i don’t remember, i don’t care

oh,
yes
home

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